The days of the past
by iwha
Summary: An intimate glimpse of modern Philippines' mother, what her life was before her demise.
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the idea for this fic.**

 **A/N:** Ironically, I get writing ideas half the time when I have my depressive episodes. Story of my life. Shit.

 **A/N(2):** this is a quick meaning behind some words used in this fic:

Bathala - The highest god in the Philippine Mythology in the Visayas region. The term is used in pre-colonial times up to the present modern times.

Magwayen - The goddess of the sea and the one who ferries the dead in Sulad. A member in the pantheon of gods and goddesses in pre-colonial times in the Visayas region.

Kan-Laon - Similar to Bathala, but in the Luzon/Tagalog region back in pre-colonial times, although I'm pretty sure he's still worshipped to this day.

Sulad - The other-world/underworld in pre-colonial Visayas.

Nagmalitong Yawa Sinagmaling Diwata - One of the "Three Great Beauties" in the Visayan Philippine Pantheon, she is the goddess of lust and seduction but is also known as the wife of Saragnayan, the deity of darkness. She is also said to seduce men and kill them as a revenge to humanity because of the death of her husband. Look up the legend of Hinilawod and you'd understand why.

Bolo - Philippine sword used in combat and cutting plants. Not exactly sure for the description, but you can also use them if there's a zombie apocalypse.

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I hate them, I despise them but yet; somewhere in my heart I knew I loved him. The man with eyes as green as tree leaves, hair as brown as tree barks, skin that has the same shade as the sand. I shouldn't, because I knew, the moment I had set my eyes on him, that he will bring forth my end. I will be leaving behind my child, my daughter, she will be orphaned. Just thinking about it made my heart bleed, sending shivers down to my very core with dread coiling my neck like a snake with its prey. My beloved daughter, I can't leave her alone, she's barely a century old. She still needs me, her mother, to nurture her and to care for her. But I also knew that this day will come, the day I'll be leaving her behind but not this early. I still want to be with her longer.

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 _Oh Bathala, please grant my plea, let me stay with my child longer;_

My daughter shows the seashells she had found in the shore, her eyes brimming with happiness, smiling without a care in the world. It makes me smile back.

 _Oh Magwayen, I beg of you, please postpone your arrival to ferry me to Sulad;_

My daughter hides behind my legs in fear when Nagmalitong Yawa Sinagmaling Diwata had visited us, I hid a bemused smile in my hand and the goddess had done the same. I told my child that she has nothing to be scared of since Nagmalitong Yawa Sinagmaling Diwata is family, she shouldn't be afraid of the goddess. My child looked into my eyes and then to the goddess in front of us; the goddess gave my child one of her rare, genuine smile, making my child behind me smiling back.

 _Kan-Laon, merciful Kan-Laon, I beg of you, please hear my prayer, let me stay longer, I do not wish to be immortal but to have more time with my child, oh merciful Kan-Laon;_

My child shivers in fright because of the thunder and lightning outside our home, I held her in my arms, offering soothing words as I look over our window waiting for the storm to pass.

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I can't die, not yet at least; I am not disillusioned like others of my kind as to think we can live forever, I knew for a fact that every living being are only in this earth at a certain amount of time, everyone will see their end one day. I just wish to extend mine to be with my beloved child. I love her so much that I'd wager my own immortality, my entire being as a nation just so I could live with her. But I cannot, all I could do is pray and hid her from the foreigners I knew will exploit my child.

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"Yao"

The man in silk robes turned around and looked at me with confusion in his eyes. No, he is not human, he is just like me.

"What is it Urduja? Is something wrong?"

He asks me with concern and deep affection laced in his voice. I had always known of his affections for me. But I could never reciprocate them just as strongly; to which the two of us knew. Unspoken promise between us to never utter a word of it; I don't want to hurt him, he is as important to me as my daughter and that person, although I'm conflicted of my feelings to the latter. I look at him straight in the eyes, tears lingering in them.

"I…. That day, is getting nearer and nearer. I can feel it, Yao"

The intimacy of using our human names, I want to love him as much as he does to me but I can't. It breaks my heart again. I can see in his eyes the deep sadness that I have caused. I let the tears feel down my cheeks. And then suddenly, I felt his warmth around me, holding me tight as if I'd slip away if he didn't. I put my arms around him and cried. No words are needed to convey what we wanted to say.

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I tried my hardest to fight, but this man, no; this nation is stronger than me. I can feel my strength draining away, blood flowing out of my body from the wounds I have gotten. The only thing that kept me from falling down is the thought of my child, safe and well-hidden from the other foreigners. Guarded and protected by the gods and goddesses I have asked for help, I am forever in debt for their kindness and concern.

I spat the blood in my mouth in looked at the nation in front of me with as much malice that I could muster, but his eyes conveys the same deep sadness and regret I see in Yao's eyes. In that instant I knew, he does not want to fight me but he has no choice. Like me. I gripped the bolo in my hand tighter, letting tears fell down my eyes and with one final battle cry, I charged at him with all my might.

I loved two men, two nations, but I cannot choose either one. Yao brought upon me the comfort and gentleness neither man nor nation had showed me; the deep affection, the caring soul that soothes my wounded self. The foreigner, Antonio, brought upon me the passion I never I had, the wild untamed affections provoked by his equally passionate feelings for me.

I felt a sharp object stab my abdomen, I slowly look down and sees the wound he inflicted and my blood oozing from it. I let my eyes drank in his visage, although my eyesight is blurred from the dizziness, I can still faintly see his silhouette. He shouts words I do not understand but I can feel his anguish and regret he emanates from them. I let go of my bolo and my shield, mustered all the remaining strength I have left and put my hands in his face. He stops talking but the tears still flow down his eyes, I tried to wipe them away but I just managed to smear my blood and dirt in his cheeks.

My own tears flowed still, blurring my vision but I tried to etch his face in my mind before I die. I fell down on my knees but he managed to catch my fall. The arms that wrapped around me are warm but everything else is cold.

Ah….

So this is what death is like, it's so cold, and tiring. It makes me sleepy. His voice holds me back, he whispers words I do not understand in my ear, and it appears that he is begging to someone I know not. I called his name and he stops whispering. He looks at my eyes with emotions I can't read anymore, my vision is too blurred. I said his name again and gave him a smile before I finally close my eyes and sleep.

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 **A/N (3):** Calling each other by their human names, in my theory at least, is a very intimate matter, it means that the nations are very, very close; like lovers or family.


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